Sunday, February 21, 2010

Alone.

I feel alone. I feel half dead and like everything around me,
including me, is dying. Everything is becomming a routine. I keep
writing songs because they lift my spirits up and stuff. They keep me
going. If I didn't have music, I would be in Texas right now with
Nolan and Marissa bawling. I haven't cried in a while. Like, actually
cry. And I miss it. I'm like the most absolute strangest person living
on this planet. I'm so confused with what I want out of life. What am
I doing right now? Every little action I make I end up critizising
myself. I just, feel lonely. I need someone in my life to hold onto
right now. Somebody I can believe in and they believe in me. I've
noticed I DO have people I can talk to. And that, literally is such a
blessing. I love every single one of my friends and I can't thank them
enough for everything they do and have done for me. Really, thanks. I
love you guys.

Besides the whole lonliness part Ive been really happy thwlese past
few weeks. And that makes feel refreashed. I haven't been that happy
in a long time. Finally it's back. Finally IM back. I've been great,
in general. Most of it has to do with Miley to be completely honest.
Idk if you guys have noticed but, if she's pissed off then I'm pissed
off. If she's happy then I'm happy. If she's heartbroken I'm about to
go on over with junk food and a shovel and two pairs of gloves. Oh and
tissues fosho. But Liam is a great guy. He is so good to her and
she's the happiest she's been for a long long time. And that right
there is all I could ask for. My bestie to be happy with whom she
loves. That all I need. Beside food and that stuff.

Random stuff: so you know how in the movie Pride and Predjudice they
talk like, old time lingo? I SO want to! They sound so damn smart!
It's great! Anyways. That's all. I love you guys. I'll be tuhweeting
soon! Kaip! :)

xoxoxox,
demiiiiiiii

Sent from Mobile web

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Hollywood.

Okay so I just wanted to rant about Hollywood. I hate it. I mean, it's not like I don't have paparazzi. I do. Most of the time. Maybe oceanUP can't find it but I know it's somewhere on the web. I've had one guy try to take a photo.. Down my shirt. If that isn't violating my personal bubble. Than what is? I've had guys follow me into the bathroom and try to take shots. I know it's much worse for others. And I can only imagine their fury when they read this rant - because it can be so much worse. And I'm afraid that it will only get worse. I'm scared. London was great. Who knew there would be so much paparazzi? Yeah. I'm so sick and tired of being afraid to leave the house without my Mom or someone. I'm sick and tired of picking up the phone and having my friend afraid because someones creeping them out. I'm so sick and tired of people POSING as my friends from Texas and back home. They have a normal life. But they have, NO more privacy, NO more personal myspaces, NO more walking the streets unknown. They have to pay consquences for being my friends. I don't think that's very fair. Especially for Nolan. He has HATERS. WTF. Just because he's interested in the same gender as his own?! Really. Call me pathetic but I think that he deserves more respect than the respect he's getting. Same with ALL my other friends.

Hollywood puts a great deal of pressure on you. And to be honest, when I was in London I didn't want to come back. And if I did go back, it was because I needed Miley and she needed me. If I wasnt under schedual, when she was hurting I would be there faster than you can say my name. There's hater's at every corner. There's hypocrites, critics etc; and it really breaks my heart completely when I see or hear people look down on me. What have I done to ya'll? Absolutely nothing. You have no rights to be judging me like im a piece of garbage! I know how I am, I know who I used to be, I know what I wear, what I do, who I do it with, who I hang out with. That's all MY life. And I LOVE it. I'm caught up in this web of hate and hater's all around me, pointing their finger at me.

I have Mom's screaming down my throat because of the guy's ive dated and the decisions I made for MYSELF in MY LIFE. And I love being a role model, but I dont like people copying me like i'm just someone you can look at, with no emotions and no heart. I have a body, I have a heart, I have everything you do except I have my own personality & orginiality. I'm sorry if you dont but you can't just look down on me because of who I am and who I choose to be. And if you dont like that, or who I AM as a PERSON, which you wouldn't know anyway because most haters have never even MET me. But anyways, if you dont like that then tell you kid that! Because I will not just change because you tell me to. I have MY OWN MOM who tell's me things. And I love her, and support her just the way she loves and supports me!

AND she approves of who I am! Which means I dont give a shit if you do or dont! Having my mother support me is big enough for me. Having my friends love me is big enough. Having my boyfirneds, who loved me is big enough. So you can back off. And I know ya'll wont. So you guys CAN keep on hating. Just know I WONT listen..

And haha, im sorry guys! I'm writing this blog like im yelling at the reader! :P . No, im not. Unless your any of those things I mentioned. Back to Hollywood.

Why have I pretty much STOPPED tweeting or at least, reduced tweeting on ddlovato. If you show any slight emotion on one tweet, all of a sudden there's a secret meaning. No. It is what I write. And maybe it does have a secret meaning. But most likely, the meaning is not towards those who you think they're towards.

In this rode of life, I've lost respect and love of others - while they go on and give it to someone else. I'm fine with that. It's your life. It's not a crime.

Okay so now, im switching to Hollywood's side of "Selena, Taylor, Demi and Miley."
WTF. Kay, what's so wrong with "ask taylor?" K. Ill awnser that question.
Me and Selena barely talk. Ever. If we do, it's a short "hey" or something like that. Half the time I dont know if we're frenemies or just friends or just enemies. And I avoid that drama. If she goes and bitche's at me, I will cause something. But she hasn't. So to be honest, I dont even know where me and her are at. But all I know is, if I dont even know, how does the rest of the world? Yeah. Right! That's NOT how it works. And as for Taylor. I really dont think anything is going on. To be honest with the whole situation, me and Selena were like sisters. Tried to be together. This and that. Thing's didnt get that simple anymore and we drifted apart. She found Taylor, and I found Miley. I litterally LOVED Miley at "hello" litterally. We talked for a bit and BAM. Just like that, texting, boy talks, girl talks, random talks, pointless talks. We started calling each other. Hanging out. And we love each other. We're the best of friends. She's my BESTEST friend. And if anybody has a problem speak out, I need someone to bitch out on anyway.

And a lot of people claim she changed me. Fu. Just because I've chosen to be myself now i've changed? No. No and once again no I wouldn't let anyone change me. And if I did, I knew they would only make me better. And for Taylor and Sel, I know they're best friends! And I think that's great! We've both moved on and I litterally love that. I mean, I know Taylor was there to take care of Sel through all her break ups, when she has breakdowns . And I really appreciate and respect her for that. That's great! Believe it or not I do have the same heart as I did in Texas. And I still have a piece of Sel Love in me. And I will always love Sel! Just because we're... whatever we are? Doesn't mean I've stopped. We just have difficulties and we've stopped trying. And I pray we haven't lost respect for each other. There is no feaud. Just drama and stuff like that. So ya'll can calm the hormones!

So I said ask taylor. Instead of asking me about Sel, I wont know. So ask Taylor. Because she will! <3

That it, i'm not going to bitch out on this blog post any longer. Plus my fingers hurt from texting on my cellphone. So... love love love. <3

Peace! Demi! LOVE! <3 (;

Saturday, January 30, 2010

(:

Okay so I'm single again. Yay?! To be honest I'm happy that I'm single. I like to be single. I don't have to worry about guys going behind my back saying and constantely flirting with other girls. Which is absolutely great. And this also means I get another shot of finding an actual guy who loves me. And that's the most wonderful feeling. But the worst feeling there is is knowing that a relationship died because of one person. I understand that and it's alright, and it's not a crime. But sometimes you need go pick your words much much much more carefully. But whatever.

Okay so my AMAZING best friend is the happiest she can be with the man she loves and that gives me so much hope and tells me ILL be happy like that someday. But in the meanwhile I'm going to make myself happy as a person and human being. Because I am worth it and I am beautiful and I am a very good person and just because every guy I give a chance screws it up doesn't mean I just give up like that. I'm strong enough to do as a like. I make my own decisions. And this is one of them.

I don't need a man - a little scared boy- a boy to make me happy. It's jut not the way I am. I'm like a rock! :P. The more you try to break me the stronger I get. And I might crack while I get kicked around on the road but everyone does and it's natural and it's life and I have the right go be happy and NOT have to fake smile.

I'll admit it hurt a little READING those words. So cold and unfair. But I'm over it and I'm over him. This is time for second chances and opportunities. I'm going to smile.

Love,
Demi